So I think for now I will restrict this instance to people in the bondage or BDSM industry- producers, models, customers. If you've got a really big following, probably better to set up your own instance. It's not that expensive if you are already monetized- I supported mine easily until all of sexual Tumblr came look for a new home! 😃
I wish I could do more to help but I think the answer is more people running small sexy instances which talk to each other, not one big one.